This past Saturday, I had the pleasure of speaking to all 550+ women at Alpha Delta Pi’s international convention. Here, I was able to see something in those women on Saturday that captures why I do what I do — why I am such a maniac about bystander behavior. Women all around the room began to smile. They began to transform in their chairs. You could see them come to life. You could see them get at least a glimpse into what it would look like to actually be able to stand up for what their personal values tell them is “right.” What would that be like? What would that make possible? For their chapters, their friends, their families, their schools, their communities? For the world?
Most importantly, how would they get to experience themselves in that moment? Powerful? Courageous? A leader? THE ONE?
This is why I do what I do. This is why I created and produced the RESPONSE ABILITY Project. This is why I travel the country speaking to groups of people on this subject. I am clear that we all want to be empowered to stand up for what’s right. This is all we want. We simply want to make THE difference. We want to have our values “run the show” of our lives and not the barriers that get in the way. If we can simply master the ability to get out of the way what’s in the way, then we are free to take action.
I am here to wake us up to what’s possible in life by standing up, speaking up and no longer tolerating the bullshit that goes on around us. So, we are either going to complain about it or we are going to do something about it.
Not too long ago, I was standing on a downtown street corner waiting to catch the bus. I see crossing the street and coming straight for me a very large man with a skin cap on his head (I think that’s what you call what he was wearing). He proceeds to approach me and ask me for directions to the Red Line (one of the lines on the “El”). As soon as he asked me, he wadded up a piece of paper and threw it into the street. Basically, he littered and I hate littering!
So, I immediately said, “I won’t give you directions until you pick up that piece of paper.” To which he then responded, “Oh, dude — everyone does it!” To which I replied, “Yes, maybe they do but they aren’t asking me for directions.” He proceeded to pick up the paper and throw it in the trash about 5 feet away (please note how it would have been just as easy to throw it there in the first place). I then gave him directions and he went on his way.
This is a simple example of what it looks like to intervene. And, I didn’t have to — I chose to. I chose — in that moment of time — to act from my values and not from fear. I went past my fears and “it’s not my job to say something” to actually act. I let the words come out of my mouth to make a difference. There is one less piece of trash on the street and one person who may just think the next time he goes to do it again. Maybe he will and maybe he won’t. Nonetheless, in that moment I got to know myself as someone who made a difference. Someone powerful. Someone courageous. And, I didn’t need to change myself to do it — I actually WAS myself. My true self actually spoke.
Now, do I have something handled now? Do I have it all mastered to where I intervene every time I see something? NO! I don’t. It’s a practice I am taking on and letting myself fail and letting myself succeed at. Being yourself and standing up for what’s right is one of the most difficult things to do. We are not trained to do this — we are actually trained to be bystanders in life – we have been highly trained! So, to go against how you are trained takes something — it sometimes takes everything you’ve got.
So, this is why I do what I do — so that you can know yourself as someone who lives from and speaks from and acts from your values. That you, too, are able to go beyond what stops you in life to actually BE who you are committed to BE. We are all powerful, courageous and extraordinary people out to make a difference. We don’t need to change. There are just barriers and limitations to our own fullest expression of who we are. Our opportunity is to get those barriers and limitations out of the way so that we are free to express who we truly are — for ourself, for others, for our families, for our friends, for our communities and for the world.
Thank you for being an extraordinary, courageous and powerful human being. Now all there is to do is be the fullest expression of that in the world. This is your opportunity to be a MANIAC for what’s right in life — for what YOU say is right.
Go for it — THIS IS IT!
