T.J. Sullivan, my friend and President of CAMPUSPEAK, the speakers’ agency that represents me, posted this blog post this past weekend and I just have to share it word-for-word with you.  I agree with him 100% and I actually include in my RESPONSE ABILITY keynote that we all will not intervene every single time, nor should we, but the world can stand for us intervening a great deal more.  Here is T.J.’s post in original form:

Everyone’s telling you not to be a bystander. I’ve been talking about it for years in my confrontation program, and one of our newer speakers, Mike Dilbeck, is becoming an anti-bystander crusader. It’s a good and timely message. In a world of detached, communicate-only-by-text-message citizens, we need to be reminded that seeing a problem, stepping up, and saying something is a worthwhile thing to do.

I was laying in bed last night doing some work on my laptop and watching AC360 on CNN. Like usual, it was really serving as background noise. Then, something caught my ears and my eyes. They were doing a story on the gang rape of the 15-year-old this past weekend. Now, that’s shocking itself, right? Then, they talked about the fact that there were 20 people standing around — some participating in the rape and SOME JUST WATCHING! Just watching? How can you stand around and watch something like this. Even worse, some were taking pictures and video with their cell phones.

Can this be any more blatant form of bystander behavior? As a matter of fact, a follow-up story today on CNN and CNN.com actually talks about the bystander effect with this situation.

So, read the story and let me know what you think. What is your reaction to this?

This is also generating a conversation about whether or not bystanders can actually be prosecuted. See the video here.

I am thrilled to present a very special opportunity to members of the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisers this coming December at the AFA Annual Meeting.  As one of the Advance Programs (formerly called “pre-con programs”), AFA members can become a LEVEL I CERTIFIED FACILITATOR for the RESPONSE ABILITY program.  Here are the details as they appear on the AFA Annual Meeting website:

TO REGISTER, CLICK HERE!

RESPONSE ABILITY: Level I Facilitator Certification

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hyatt Regency Jacksonville (Florida)

12 noon – 4 p.m. | $75*

*The cost covers the workshop, expanded Facilitator’s Guide and Certification Certificate.

Presenter:

Mike Dilbeck, Creator & Producer of the “Response Ability” Project and CAMPUSPEAK speaker

Supported by:

Jesse Lyons, Kappa Alpha Order

Kate Planow, Longwood University

RESPONSE ABILITY, the groundbreaking program on bystander behavior and intervention, gives students the courage to stand up to bad behavior, promote dialogue and work together to create a healthy college climate for all.  This program is currently being used by 35 NIC/NPC organizations and nearly 100 campuses across the country.  It has received the 2009 Laurel Wreath Award (NIC), 2009 Willis HRH Fellow Award (FEA), and the Telly Award (national).

Most of the problems in the fraternity/sorority community involve bystanders – those who see or know about something “wrong” and do nothing, say nothing.  The facilitator, through this program, gets to empower the 95% of our students who are not causing the problems but who are also not standing up to the 5% who are.

RESPONSE ABILITY is one of the most talked-about, powerful, and empowering educational programs currently being used on the college campus.  However, it’s real success and effectiveness now rests on the facilitator.  We must now train and develop powerful facilitators to lead the program and generate conversations that will leave each and every student empowered to turn “wrong” or even threatening situations into opportunities for action.

This is a Level I Certification Program and each person who completes this program will be considered a Certified Level I Facilitator of the Program and will receive an expanded facilitator’s guide and certificate.  Level I is the basic level and certifies someone to thoroughly facilitate the program to individual chapters, or a group of chapters, on their campus. A list of certified facilitators will be kept for possible future opportunities as the program grows and Level II certification will be made available in the near future.

Note:  This certification does not certify someone in being an “expert” in bystander behavior and intervention.  It only certifies them to facilitate the RESPONSE ABILITY educational program.

TO REGISTER, CLICK HERE!

I have just finished a whirl-wind week traveling the country speaking to over 3,000 college students.  On Monday, I spoke to 600 at Jacksonville State University in Alabama.  On Tuesday, empowered 500 at NW Missouri State University.  Then, this past Thursday, presented to my largest audience yet — about 1,800 at the University of Arkansas.

It was exhausting.  It was exhilarating.  It was inspiring.  It was confronting.  It was fulfilling.  It was AWESOME! And, I want to express my deepest appreciation to these schools for booking me and presenting this program to their students.  This shows a huge commitment to empowering their students to stand up and do what’s right. Thank you — thank you — thank you for everything you did and for all your hospitality during my visit.

I also want to thank each and every student who listened to my presentation.  I am clear that it was mandatory that you be there and I still appreciate your participation and attendance.

Now, how can you thank me?  To everyone who sat through my presentation, how can you show your appreciation to me?  Many of you still text or Twitter me about how much you enjoyed the presentation and you thank me for coming.  And, I really do appreciate this.  However, what is the greatest form of appreciation you can show?  The greatest and most powerful form of appreciation you can show is to actually have my presentation make a difference in your lives and the lives of others.  There is no higher expression of appreciation than to actually take actions in your life to intervene against problematic behavior and alter the course of how that situation is going to go.

You now have what you need to intervene.  All there is to do now is practice.  Practice going beyond the barriers and acting anyway.  Practice the skills of actually speaking up and intervening.  Practice, practice, practice.  It does take practice.  And, you will fail — you really will.  At least you will fail from the commitment to make a difference — not fail from doing nothing.  Saying nothing.  Taking action and failing is worth it.  And, you will be surprised at how many times you don’t fail — at how many times you actually make a difference in someone’s life.  You then get to know yourself as someone who can, and does, make that difference.

So, for all of you who still send me emails and text messages thanking me for my presentation — keep them coming.  And, please show me the greatest form of appreciation by taking action and making a difference for others and for life itself.

Remember:  it only takes one person to speak up and others will follow.

Well, I have already Tweet’ed about this today and put it on Facebook but it just begs for a blog post — it’s such a great story about the power of social media.

This past Friday, I had a spontaneous idea to spend a couple of days in Michigan — just wanted to get away from the distractions of Market Days in Chicago so that I could finalize my article on bystander behavior for the AFA Perspectives magazine. So, I got online and searched for a Bed & Breakfast (B&B) and found the perfect one (one of the only ones with a room — which was one reason it was perfect), put in all my credit card information and reserved the room.  Long story short, the B&B did not honor my reservation and I was already on my way to Michigan with no place to stay.  The Saugatuck/Douglas Visitors Bureau came to my rescue and I got a room.

However, the whole experience with the first B&B was not complete for me — I needed to intervene on this unprofessional lack of customer service.  In a series of phone conversations and emails back and forth, they continued to not address my frustrations or dissatisfaction — they just didn’t get it.

I am not typically the kind to complain — it really takes something for me to do so.  And, out of the work I have done with bystander behavior, I can see that I think someone else will do so and that it’s not my job.  I also have a fear of embarrassment — I make up that they are going to say or do something that will embarrass me. However, I went beyond these barriers and took action.  I called the Visitors Bureau on Monday to share my feedback and they requested that I send an email to Felicia Fairchild, Executive Director, so that they would have it all in writing.  I did so and then posted a Tweet on Twitter to let all  my followers know that I had intervened — I was not a bystander to bad customer service!

So, today I get a call from CAMPUSPEAK — the speakers’ agency I am represented by — and they tell me that Felicia Fairchild had called looking for me.  I give her a call and she proceeds to share with me that she had seen my Tweet on Twitter yesterday.  She proceeded to Google me to find out who I am and she came across me on the CAMPUSPEAK website (the reason she called them first).  She then found this blog and proceeded to read all about me, specifically my post about being a maniac about bystander behavior.  She even said how ironic it was that this incident happened to me — what an opportunity it presented me with.

After reading all about me, my stand for bystander behavior and RESPONSE ABILITY, she sends an email to all the B&B and lodge owners in the Saugatuck/Douglas area of Michigan and shares the link to my blog post with them.  And she hasn’t even received my actual complaint yet — this is all out of seeing my Tweet!  When I talked with her, she had already received comments back to her email — this was all causing a conversation in the western part of Michigan!

I want to acknowledge and thank Felicia for being someone to take action — she intervened in her own way inside of her commitment that her community provide extraordinary customer service.  She was not a bystander!

This is the power of social media.  I had no idea that she would see my Tweet, much less find me on the web, read my blog and share my post with others in her community.  You don’t know — you never do!  This is the opportunity we all have to make a difference, especially with the social media opportunities available today to get our message out.  I thought I was just sharing it with my followers and Facebook friends — had no idea that someone like Felicia with her voice and level of influence would see it and take her own kind of action.

You never know.

There is the story of a guru who walks into the offices of a well-established consulting firm and sees a cracked window. “How long has that window been cracked?”, he asks one of the office managers.

“At least two years, I think it was like that when I got here,” the office manager replies.

The guru heaves a chair through the window out onto the street. “Maybe now you’ll fix it,” he lessons.

Throw a chair today. There are things not working and the one tolerating them is you.

A special shout-out to John Patterson for this post.

This past Saturday, I had the pleasure of speaking to all 550+ women at Alpha Delta Pi’s international convention.  Here, I was able to see something in those women on Saturday that captures why I do what I do — why I am such a maniac about bystander behavior.  Women all around the room began to smile.  They began to transform in their chairs.  You could see them come to life.  You could see them get at least a glimpse into what it would look like to actually be able to stand up for what their personal values tell them is “right.”  What would that be like?  What would that make possible?  For their chapters, their friends, their families, their schools, their communities?  For the world?

Most importantly, how would they get to experience themselves in that moment?  Powerful?  Courageous?  A leader?  THE ONE?

This is why I do what I do.  This is why I created and produced the RESPONSE ABILITY Project.  This is why I travel the country speaking to groups of people on this subject.  I am clear that we all want to be empowered to stand up for what’s right.  This is all we want.  We simply want to make THE difference.  We want to have our values “run the show” of our lives and not the barriers that get in the way.  If we can simply master the ability to get out of the way what’s in the way, then we are free to take action.

I am here to wake us up to what’s possible in life by standing up, speaking up and no longer tolerating the bullshit that goes on around us.  So, we are either going to complain about it or we are going to do something about it.

Not too long ago, I was standing on a downtown street corner waiting to catch the bus.  I see crossing the street and coming straight for me a very large man with a skin cap on his head (I think that’s what you call what he was wearing).  He proceeds to approach me and ask me for directions to the Red Line (one of the lines on the “El”).  As soon as he asked me, he wadded up a piece of paper and threw it into the street.  Basically, he littered and I hate littering!

So, I immediately said, “I won’t give you directions until you pick up that piece of paper.”  To which he then responded, “Oh, dude — everyone does it!”  To which I replied, “Yes, maybe they do but they aren’t asking me for directions.”  He proceeded to pick up the paper and throw it in the trash about 5 feet away (please note how it would have been just as easy to throw it there in the first place).  I then gave him directions and he went on his way.

This is a simple example of what it looks like to intervene.  And, I didn’t have to — I chose to.  I chose — in that moment of time — to act from my values and not from fear.  I went past my fears and “it’s not my job to say something” to actually act.  I let the words come out of my mouth to make a difference.  There is one less piece of trash on the street and one person who may just think the next time he goes to do it again.  Maybe he will and maybe he won’t.  Nonetheless, in that moment I got to know myself as someone who made a difference.  Someone powerful.  Someone courageous.  And, I didn’t need to change myself to do it — I actually WAS myself.  My true self actually spoke.

Now, do I have something handled now?  Do I have it all mastered to where I intervene every time I see something?  NO!  I don’t. It’s a practice I am taking on and letting myself fail and letting myself succeed at. Being yourself and standing up for what’s right is one of the most difficult things to do.  We are not trained to do this — we are actually trained to be bystanders in life – we have been highly trained!  So, to go against how you are trained takes something — it sometimes takes everything you’ve got.

So, this is why I do what I do — so that you can know yourself as someone who lives from and speaks from and acts from your values.  That you, too, are able to go beyond what stops you in life to actually BE who you are committed to BE.  We are all powerful, courageous and extraordinary people out to make a difference.  We don’t need to change.  There are just barriers and limitations to our own fullest expression of who we are.  Our opportunity is to get those barriers and limitations out of the way so that we are free to express who we truly are — for ourself, for others, for our families, for our friends, for our communities and for the world.

Thank you for being an extraordinary, courageous and powerful human being.  Now all there is to do is be the fullest expression of that in the world.  This is your opportunity to be a MANIAC for what’s right in life — for what YOU say is right.

Go for it — THIS IS IT!

This post is to make available for download the PowerPoint presentation I will be using in all of my keynote presentations on bystander behavior. This is being made available as a handout for anyone who would like the specific information and definitions. This is a PDF slideshow of most of the slides and, of course, they are static with no movement.

Download the RESPONSE ABILITY PowerPoint Slideshow (PDF)

If you have any questions or comments, please post them below.

I am currently sitting at a cafe in beautiful Bloomingon, Indiana — home of Indiana University. The second session of the Undergraduate Interfraternity Institute (UIFI) is underway and in just a few hours they will see the RESPONSE ABILITY video and have a conversation for bystander behavior in the college fraternity and sorority setting. UIFI brings together fraternity and sorority leaders — current college students — from around the country for four days to train and develop them into the leaders they are committed to being.  This summer, over 900 college students and facilitators will engage in this conversation.  They will then take it back for their respective chapter, council, and school to make a huge difference in college and fraternity/sorority life.

I went by the Alpha Omicron Pi house this morning (where they are staying for the four days of the institute) and spoke to Brian Tenclinger and Will Foran — the two key facilitators. They say that bystander behavior has already been brought up as a key conversation by the students. That they are clear that intervening is a key access to the future of the Greek system on college campuses and college men and women having the amazing experience they came to college to get. Not to be hazed. Not to experience discrimination. Not to drink themselves to oblivion or even death. Not to experience body shame. Not to be disempowered!

So, I will update this post with how the session goes this evening — just wanted to let you all know that it’s so inspiring to experience college students engaged in this conversation — I CAN’T WAIT!

UPDATE: Well, with the exception of a couple of technical difficulties, the presentation and conversation with the 90+ students and facilitators went very well. They really get this conversation and they are really engaged in it. They saw — and still see — the real opportunity to intervene in situations in their lives. A few of them came up to me afterwards with one simple message: “THANK YOU!” One girl specifically said, “Thank you for putting into words what we have not had words for until now.” Very moving, huh?

It’s very powerful to put words to what currently is not being spoken. By distinguishing the barriers to intervening, you are freed up to act — the barriers no longer have a grip on you. You can — in the moment — distinguish the barrier that is pulling for you not to act and create — in that moment — acting on your values. This is our opportunity each and every moment that we see something happening that our own values tell us is not “right.”

A special thanks to Will Foran of the NIC and Brian Tenclinger of Triangle Fraternity for not only allowing me to “sit in” the conversation but for having RESPONSE ABILITY be a core program of all 10 UIFI sessions this summer — exposing over 900 students and facilitators to this new opening for action in their lives!

[View with PicLens]

On Sunday, April 19th, Mike accepted the Laurel Wreath Award at the Laurel Wreath Luncheon, part of NIC’s Centennial Annual Meeting. BECK & CO. received the Laurel Wreath Award for RESPONSE ABILITY and the positive impact this program has made on the interfraternal community.